My Poor Boring Life...

I know I haven't posted in a while. Been busy attempting to get things knitted and crocheted to sell and haven't had a lot of luck on the selling part. I've been donating things and giving them to neighbors more than selling.
I  made some little girl socks and ended up running them on ebay 3 times before giving them to our neighbors as a thank you for helping me with my garden.

I made these socks and gave them to the local thrift shop that gives its proceeds to a battered women's shelter

Then I made this kitchen set, but didn't even attempt to sell it. It went to our other neighbor that brought over bar-b-que for Easter, as a thank you.

Oh well. At least they went to good use and I really enjoyed the knitting and crocheting.

My latest issues with fibro have been all about headaches. I cut out all caffine in the last couple months and I'm really having issues with the headaches and the fibro fog. I'm going to have to start job hunting to make ends meet and I'm concerned how it will play out. My disability check isn't stretching the entire month and I've had to ask for help for groceries so I need to do something to bring in more income. I finally asked for help at church and am talking to a lady in charge of employment. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can get a good part time job I can do with my disabilities and take care of the financial issue on my own.

Knitting and crocheting away this month

Figure I should do an update since I haven't written on my blog for a while. John and I are doing fine after Randy passed in January. I've been plugging away at the to do list and have everything in my name and have managed all the red tape issues that go with having your husband pass away. His memorial is next week.

As far as my fibro goes, I had a couple flares in the last three months, but I'm doing better now. Funny how I can stress a part of my body and not feel anything until later that day or the next, and then it takes weeks to recover. My survival, right now, depends on me being able to walk everywhere and be alert when I'm reading and filling out forms, so having an ankle go out or my knees just isn't acceptable. I stressed my arm on the day that Randy went to the convalescent hospital by trying to straighten him on the gurney when the medical transport guys wouldn't do it, and I wasn't able to reach over my head with my arm for days afterwords. Made getting food out of the cupboard really interesting. It doesn't help that my medical care right now is pretty etchy. I was changed from SSI to Survivor benefits (disabled widow) and that changed me from medicaid to medicare. Now I have a deductible and have to buy my own prescriptions.  Not easy when you make as little as I do.

My knitting and crocheting are coming along. I have been trying to sell it on ebay and ebid, but haven't been real successful. Right now I have several things I'm trying to sell

 I attempted to sell my doily, but if I'd have continued, it would have sold for less than what I spent on the thread so I canceled the sale

 These didn't sell either and I ended up donating them to a thrift shop in town that uses what they made from selling things to help out victims of domestic violence.

 I gave this bag to the thrift shop as well.

 As well as this doily

 This bag is still on e-bay, but it doesn't look promising. I've ran it three times and nothing so far.

This is the only item that I made that has a bid on it. Hopefully it will get more before the auction is done.

I'm having a lot of hand pain (my knuckle in my left thumb keeps stiffening up), but I keep pressing on. Right now I'm working on a throw rug made from plarn and the thrift shop gave me a ton of fabric to use to make throw rugs to donate so I need to get to work on them.

I got this book in the mail from Abebooks.com. It has some great ideas on how to knit using items you find around your home instead of yarn. "Rags to Riches-Ideas to Inspire the Thrifty Knitter" by Mary-Jane Holmes. Looks like some great ideas in it.

Are knitting and jogging in the same catagory?

I found this interesting article while I was browsing the internet tonight. http://blog.gaiam.com/blog/can-knitting-give-you-a-runner%E2%80%99s-high/

It all has to do with neurotransmitters. We trigger the same chemicals in our brains that people who run do. I know that when I'm in a room with no distractions and I'm knitting, I get into a kind of buzz where I'm just relaxed and knitting like crazy.

My favorite line in the article is: "One caveat? Don’t try to do both simultaneously. It’s difficult (and potentially dangerous) to operate an elliptical machine while knitting!" I seriously considered knitting while walking on the treadmill, but thought better of it while looking at my pointy needles and just read knitting books instead. 

I spent Valentine's day knitting. LOL Guess that shows how my love life is going... I made a child sized hat and hope to make some mittens and a scarf to match.

 The best thing about knitting hats is how fast they work up. I made this one in a day. 
It wasn't such a bad day after all. I was a little down that my Valentine isn't here this year but the kids knew how to cheer me up. Chelle sent me some flowers; yellow roses. They have special meaning to me since Randy sent me some yellow roses when I had Michelle. He was stationed in Texas at the time and thought he should give me yellow roses from Texas. Here is my Valentine roses:

 

Sleep Issues and Sleeping

So, here's the latest issue with knitting while dealing with fibro. I can't stay awake. I have had to depend on coffee and soda with caffeine in order to do so and now that I'm trying to cut it out, I fall asleep at my desk while I knit. This is taking a huge toll on how fast I knit. So far, the only thing I've found to improve my energy level is to take naps. My production speed is way compromised by my fibro while I try to make items to sell. The last pair of socks, which should have taken about 2 to 3 days took over a week instead. 

They turned out nice, but, Wow, did they take a long time. I hope that eventually I can get past the headaches and sleepiness with time.

Textured socks

I started this pair of socks the day before yesterday and just finished the first sock today. This was one of those socks where I stared at the yarn and thought, "I really don't want to do another fair Isle style sock or a stockinette only sock that's solid colored." So I looked online at my favorite site that shows different stitch patterns, picked out a likely candidate and used my normal, memorized, pattern to make a textured, soft purple sock. Unfortunately, my phone camera sucks so just pretend that this blue sock is purple.

Now on to get the mate done. Hopefully I can do the second sock a little faster and not fall asleep while I'm knitting (stupid fibro fog!).

Excited about Knitting again!

All it takes for me is to make a trip to a craft store. That's how easy I am regarding yarn and knitting! I spend the day at my friend, Dianna's house. She asked me to come over after asking me if I would like to go into a craft business together.

It was a great day. We put details on paper and chose what we would like to make, where we want to sell, and made a list of materials we need. I'm going to knit hats, gloves, and socks as well as baby cloths and kitchen items. I'm also going to do a little crocheting, especially Christmas designs and small doilies that she can use with the cards and hair clips that she wants to make. I'm really excited about getting back to work on this after taking so much time away from my plans for taking care of Randy. 

We're going to look into selling at flea markets, craft fairs, and online on e-bay. Dianna also has a friend back east that is offering to find places in her area to sell the things we make. 

Then we did what any respectable knitter would do on such an occasion. We went yarn shopping. I got some nice cotton yarn to use for the kitchen sets I'm going to make. I'm really pleased and ready to start. This is what is going to really tell if John and I can survive on our own in our little place.

Yarn that I plan to use to make a dishcloth for the kitchen set I'm making to sell.

The Spiritual Side of Me

I decided, during all of the insanity of the last few months, that I needed to attend to my spiritual side a little more. I was baptized into the LDS (for those of you who aren't sure what that is, its the Mormon) church when Randy and I were first married. I had times of being inactive and other times when I was very active and had callings within the church. When we started having problems in our marriage, I stopped going. I told myself it was because I was against their stand on gay marriage, that it was because it was a patriarchal church, because I didn't like the commandments that they follow, etc. But I think back and I'm pretty sure that the biggest reason was because I didn't want to be involved in something that Randy was involved with and felt I  had to leave in order to sever all links to him. So I went through this whole period in my life when I was "searching" for what I believed. 
This is what I came up with: 1. I believe in God. I think that most of the other belief systems that I looked at believe in the same over all deity, we all just call him by different names. 2. I believe in the savior. I think its interesting that a lot of people will claim that he was just a prophet (like that puts him in a lower class bracket than a savior), but they still want to believe in him. I would be able to say that also, except that I had a personal experience that made me a believer and that kind of makes it hard to just change my mind. 3. I believe in the Holy Ghost. 4. I don't have a testimony on Joseph Smith, but I do believe that Heavenly Father hasn't just cut us off from having prophets and from new revelation and therefor I can't disprove it either. 
When a person is going through extreme times like the death of a spouse, the need for the comfort of a belief system can be quite strong. While being with Randy these last few months didn't exactly make me feel a need to be in the same belief system as him, I did feel a need to find a belief system that I had the most ties to in the past. The LDS church fit that role for me. I have had some of the most powerful and happy memories while being associated to that church. I had an overpowering feeling that I wanted to be in the chapel at church and soak in the feeling of peace that I got there in the past. I needed the support from a group of people that would welcome me in with open arms and I needed the feeling that I could talk (pray) to God and get help while I deal with sadness and loss. 
I started back last week and it was everything that I needed. I had a huge "ahhhh" moment of relief when I sat in the sacrament hall and soaked in the peacefulness there. 
I am a person who believes that you never do anything halfway. If you are going to follow a belief system, you immerse yourself in it. Yesterday I signed up for everything at church. Now I have what I need. I have the peace of the church, I can get involved with the community and be comfortable that I am doing so in a safe group of people, and I can get out and get some social life that I need in order to get through this period of mourning. 
When people tell you that God doesn't do anything without a reason, I believe that my life right now is an example of that. Yes, losing Randy is hard and I would do anything to make it not have to be, but it did and I have to move on with my life. But in losing Randy, I now have a home that is affordable, the start of a craft business that I believe that I can support myself and John with, a town I can get involved in, and a church that I understand and that gives me comfort. I feel like I am becoming a whole person.

Enough about religion! Look! I found this great link being shared on twitter today and thought it was something I would like to share. It goes with the whole idea of using knitting as a way of completing one's social circle and enriching life. http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/style/2013/02/04/knitting-cooking-and-reading-this-male-bonding/xAHyX6QXIPvaaLpGXXnLHI/story.html?s_campaign=sm_tw

Knitting as Therapy

When I started this blog it was because I already knew that knitting made my pain better. I just didn't know how it worked. Here's a great article that tells all the little details I didn't know.
 http://www.knitonthenet.com/issue4/features/therapeuticknitting/

Funny that people have been saying it for years but no one has actually done research about it till recently. As far as I'm concerned, any way I can avoid medication is at least worth trying. Between my knitting, my walking, and stretching, I can say that I limit the amount of pain meds. 

Also read:  http://peacefulknits.blogspot.com/2011/07/theraputic-qualities-of-knitting.html

On knitting and meditation and why I need a blog

I found this article and thought it said a lot about how a lot of knitters feel about knitting. http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEsummer03/FEATknittingyourself.html

So...I should explain my situation.  You see, I'm at a crossroads in my life right now: I'm on disability for my fibromyalgia and diabetic neuropathy. My husband just passed away and I'm now a widow. I had to reduce my costs to live on my disability check so I moved into a teeny house with an equally teeny rent. I share my little place with my adult son who has high functioning autism, but is reluctant to try for disability because he believes that being labled as disabled will limit his possibilities for a decent future. We are both trying to get by on what I get for SSI and it's daunting, but I love the idea that I am independent and in control of my own life now. Because of all of the above, I am now extremely anxious to get some kind of extra income coming in from my crafts. 

While all the issues of my life might seem like a big vent, actually I'm quite relieved with where my life is heading now. I have my own place and can decorate it anyway I please and load it full of the things I love...namely yarn... and spend on only the things that I need or want. I don't have to answer to anyone and that is a freeing feeling.

I recently met a wife of a friend of Randy (my husband) and found that we have a lot in common. Especially the need to get a cottage industry going that will put food on the table. I have agreed to work with her and produce as much knitting and crocheting as I can for her to sell and we will split the earnings.  Some of our obstacles that we are running into is 1. I have no transportation and live about 20 miles from her. The town I live in has no place that sells yarn other than the small local Walmart where I can find only poor quality yarn (however it is affordable). 2. I'm limited on cash so I have to keep my overhead at a minimum. 3.  We have to do most of our sales in another location or over the internet and so postage for our items will have to be added to our overhead. 4. I am limited on space for storing yarn and supplies. Those are my limitations, here are my bonuses
1. I am eager, energetic and  passionate about my crafts. 2. I am learning new techniques all the time to add to my inventory. 3. I have a lot of time because I'm not working. 4. I have internet access 5. I can reach about anything in my town by bus so not having a car is not as limiting as it may seem. 6. There is no one here to tell me I can't do something or discourage me. 

I took over this tiny little place while I was caring for Randy. 

Yes, it is what it looks like: a converted garage. When I got here at the end of October I walked into a house that had about an inch of dust on everything, had roaches the size of dogs, and it smelled awful. Before Randy got out of the hospital (he had been living here for 2 years along and was the stereotypical bachelor) I went on a cleaning frenzy.
 

The worlds most tiny kitchen. I have absolutely no counter space to work with. My plan is to take an old dresser, paint it white or light blue and put a butcher block top on it and place it under the window.
 

This room had the bed and a hospital bed for Randy in it. There were boxes piled everywhere and stacks of clothing that was covered with dust. In one window there was a piece of unpainted plywood with a small air conditioner. The rug was so worn out that it was stuck to the floor. I pulled up the rug, scoured the floor, and put curtains in the windows (one covered the plywood and the air conditioner. When I get the chance, I'll paint the plywood white and then pull the curtains back when I run the air). 
 

This is the other side of the room with the bed and chair. I put my desk here and put the dresser in the closet to make more space. The curtain was a door that had a panel broken out and was being held together with duct tape. I removed the door, put up the curtain and cleaned out the top of the closet of the boxes and junk that was stored there. I moved an old, small book shelf next to the dresser and I have the linens stored on it. I didn't take a picture of the little bathroom that is on the other side of the door, but it is now clean (it was pretty scary when I got here). 
 

  This is the other side of the room that has the kitchen in it. When we get our things from Nevada, John's desk will go here. I plan to replace the chair with a new one (one that doesn't have the arm taped into place.LOL). You can't see it, but there are blinds on the window and I plan to buy fabric and make a curtain to cover them and dress it up a little. 

I look forward to turning this into a little cottage full of yarn and soft things. I want to be able to be inspired here to knit and crochet and make a life for John and I. 

More on crocheted rag rugs

This is my latest rug I'm making.

 I can only do so much on it and then I have to set it aside to give my hands a break. Lately I've been waking up with my thumb on my left hand completely stiffened up in the morning. I'm not sure if it's arthritis, neuropathy or fibro that is causing it, but it takes most of the morning before I can bend it properly again. Knitting doesn't seem to put as much stress on it because I use the continental style of knitting and so use my thumbs and fingers less than if I were to be using the English style.
The only pain medication I seem to have any luck with is ibuprofen. Anything stronger only makes me nauseous and then I'm in just in pain and throwing up. I would rather deal with the pain, use gentle exercise, and apply heat than medicate myself.

Crocheted rug and my take on repurposing...

After putting a lot of thought into how I can combine repurposing and needle crafts together I decided that crocheted rag rugs were a great way to use old clothing and sheets. I started the first rug while I was still in Nevada, but never had enough cloth to finish it before I left  to come to California and take care of Randy. The first rug I completed was made while I was taking care of him, a small oval shaped rug for my bath that kind of didn't want to lay flat and curled on the edges and was made from some of his old t-shirts he wanted to toss out. I use it for my bathroom (when it isn't in the laundry from the dog wetting on it!). 

 The second finished rug is pictured here. 

 
Much nicer and it lies flat on the floor. I made it from one large bed sheet so the entire thing is made from one type of fabric and I spaced it better so it doesn't curl on the edges. I love the concept and the idea that I'm rescuing old clothes from the landfill, but what I hate is the hand pain I go through trying to crochet it. By the time I was done my hands were stiff and really sore. I really want to start selling these and have asked folks to send me fabric scraps and old clothes, but I definitely have to take breaks to knit and crochet with easier materials between rugs to give my hands a break.

Sock Accomplished!

made with Red Heart "With Love" yarn. The color is called Mallard. I used US size 5 needles. No pattern, just my standard cuff down sock that I usually make.

Back to knitting and fibro...

About time to get back to the purpose of this blog. 

Here's the thing; taking care of someone who is on hospice for cancer is extremely time consuming, but while I haven't done as much knitting, the act of knitting has been very therapeutic for me.  We got to a point, here, where I could only do so much to help Randy and then I was left to hear his difficult breathing and his moans and had to find a way to cope until his medication kicked in. I found that knitting was the best way to do that. I was still able to listen to him in case he needed help, but had something that would distract me. 

As is the case whenever I was under stress in the past, my fibro flared up. At first it wasn't bad and I was able to work through it, but if I injured myself in any way, the area of the injury would get crazy out of control. At one point while caring for him, I mis-stepped while I was on the bus and twisted my ankle. It flared up and swelled up and stayed that way for three weeks. Every morning the joint would swell and be too stiff to move and I would have to force it to work. The day before he passed away I pulled a muscle in my upper arm while trying to get him situated on the gurney and that took a week to work past. I couldn't pull my shirts off and was unable to lift my right arm. This week its my left thumb. It stiffens up during the night and I have to pop it when I move it in order to get it working again. It clicks a weird click while I move it when I knit. Lots of fun since I've started trying to knit to sell again. The difference between now and two years ago is that now I just acknowledge that its the peculiarities of my weird body and I have to live with it. I take my ibuprofen and march on. I expected to have issues when I first came out here because I knew I would be under stress and I wasn't going to be able to rest while I faced it. 

Now onto the more pleasant side of knitting with fibro; knitting!!!
Here are some of the things I've been working on:

This is my attempt at a braided rag rug. I've decided that this would be a great project to use discarded clothing and make something that can be used around the house or sold. So far I finished this rug and the dog has already blessed it with her urine.  It's in a bag to be taken to the laundromat  on our next trip there.

 

   These are the socks and the hat I made for Randy the last couple weeks of his illness. They gave him comfort, even if they weren't anything special to look at. I knitted the socks inside out so that the smooth "knitted" side would be against his skin. He was having problems with itching and burning skin, but his feet were cold at night and he needed something to warm them. The hat is a simple tapered crown beanie hat that I made from some worsted weight yarn. He wore it to sleep in. I have both stashed in my drawer in my room and will keep them forever.

A gaggle of wash cloths were made. These are only two of them, I also made two more with variegated yarn that are now nesting in my linen closet and have already been broken in on dishes. I picked up the yarn to make more and a dish towel that I will crochet a loop on and sell as a set. I also picked up a hot glue gun and some magnet buttons to make refrigerator magnets to sell with my dishcloth sets. 

I also made a whole bunch of socks that I sent to my charity in Florida before Christmas, but didn't take pictures because I was rotating between computers at the time. Now that I inherited Randy's laptop, I am able to better publish my blog and take knitting pictures. 

Even in the worse of times, there are good things that come from it. I had the opportunity to meet a new friend or two while I was helping Randy. It was a huge relief and pleasure to meet Anita, a home health aid that came by three times a week to help Randy shower and shave. She was a tower of strength that stood about 5 feet tall.  Her upbeat attitude never ceased to amaze me.

The other person that I really got a chance to meet was Dianna. Randy's best friend Gerald's wife. Even when I was taking care of him right at the end of his life, she was there, making me look forward to the future. She offered her help in starting a craft business and got me off my rear after he passed. I am looking forward to working together with her and making this thing really happen this time. 

So now, it happens. I'm on my own and I have a young man here that needs my support. I know that my disability isn't enough to make ends meet so my knitting will have to fill in the gap. That means I have to get serious about it and force it to work for me. Considering all that I've been through in the last few years, this will be a breeze.haha!

  

 

Another update

Its about time that I updated my blog. 
Since I last posted a few things have happened. First of all, I lost my husband and my soul mate. Randy passed away on the 18th of January from the cancer that he found out about in October. 

After I last posted, I got so frustrated with State disability in California and the way they were sitting on his paperwork and causing us so much difficulty that I e-mailed the State Senator, Senator Fuller, and complained. I really didn't expect to hear from her, so I continued to sit on the phone until, finally, after several days of calling almost constantly every 20 minutes, I got through. They were holding his paperwork in Sacramento because it lacked a code number for his diagnoses that the social worker at the VA forgot to put on it. I called the VA to try and get it remedied and the social worker stated that there wasn't anything they could do unless Randy made the hour long trip down there to sign a form. While I was looking up a number to call for a patient advocate, the senator's office called me. Her aid asked me what issues I was having and, after I explained, told me to stay by the phone, someone would call me right back. Sure enough, in about 15 minutes I had a patient advocate from the VA on the phone telling me how they could work things out so that Randy wouldn't have to make a trip in to the hospital to sign forms. We got his check 3 days later.

Randy wanted to have his mother and father sealed in the temple. It was something that he always spoke of over the years, but we always seemed to have something that kept us from getting it done. There are times when I've know someone that was ill and was hanging onto life because they had something that was so important to them that they just weren't able to let go until it was finished, and that turned out to be what Randy felt about his parents being sealed. He tried to go to church to ask the Bishop about it while he was on hospice, but he just wasn't strong enough to do so. The week before he died, he asked the missionaries if they could have the Bishop come to the house and he did. He informed Randy that he had his wife check the records and that his parents had already been sealed for several years. Randy was so relieved and happy that he broke down into tears and wept. The next day, he and I decided that he was too weak to get up and use the facilities and that I wasn't strong enough to move him in bed so we had the social worker for the visiting nurses association find a spot for him at a convalescence home. He was moved to the home on the 17th and passed away on the 18th, just three days after finding out that the sealing had taken place. 

The last three months that I spent with him went by way to fast and there are so many things I want to tell him and share with him, but I won't be able to until I see him again.