More on crocheted rag rugs

This is my latest rug I'm making.

 I can only do so much on it and then I have to set it aside to give my hands a break. Lately I've been waking up with my thumb on my left hand completely stiffened up in the morning. I'm not sure if it's arthritis, neuropathy or fibro that is causing it, but it takes most of the morning before I can bend it properly again. Knitting doesn't seem to put as much stress on it because I use the continental style of knitting and so use my thumbs and fingers less than if I were to be using the English style.
The only pain medication I seem to have any luck with is ibuprofen. Anything stronger only makes me nauseous and then I'm in just in pain and throwing up. I would rather deal with the pain, use gentle exercise, and apply heat than medicate myself.

Crocheted rug and my take on repurposing...

After putting a lot of thought into how I can combine repurposing and needle crafts together I decided that crocheted rag rugs were a great way to use old clothing and sheets. I started the first rug while I was still in Nevada, but never had enough cloth to finish it before I left  to come to California and take care of Randy. The first rug I completed was made while I was taking care of him, a small oval shaped rug for my bath that kind of didn't want to lay flat and curled on the edges and was made from some of his old t-shirts he wanted to toss out. I use it for my bathroom (when it isn't in the laundry from the dog wetting on it!). 

 The second finished rug is pictured here. 

 
Much nicer and it lies flat on the floor. I made it from one large bed sheet so the entire thing is made from one type of fabric and I spaced it better so it doesn't curl on the edges. I love the concept and the idea that I'm rescuing old clothes from the landfill, but what I hate is the hand pain I go through trying to crochet it. By the time I was done my hands were stiff and really sore. I really want to start selling these and have asked folks to send me fabric scraps and old clothes, but I definitely have to take breaks to knit and crochet with easier materials between rugs to give my hands a break.

Sock Accomplished!

made with Red Heart "With Love" yarn. The color is called Mallard. I used US size 5 needles. No pattern, just my standard cuff down sock that I usually make.

Back to knitting and fibro...

About time to get back to the purpose of this blog. 

Here's the thing; taking care of someone who is on hospice for cancer is extremely time consuming, but while I haven't done as much knitting, the act of knitting has been very therapeutic for me.  We got to a point, here, where I could only do so much to help Randy and then I was left to hear his difficult breathing and his moans and had to find a way to cope until his medication kicked in. I found that knitting was the best way to do that. I was still able to listen to him in case he needed help, but had something that would distract me. 

As is the case whenever I was under stress in the past, my fibro flared up. At first it wasn't bad and I was able to work through it, but if I injured myself in any way, the area of the injury would get crazy out of control. At one point while caring for him, I mis-stepped while I was on the bus and twisted my ankle. It flared up and swelled up and stayed that way for three weeks. Every morning the joint would swell and be too stiff to move and I would have to force it to work. The day before he passed away I pulled a muscle in my upper arm while trying to get him situated on the gurney and that took a week to work past. I couldn't pull my shirts off and was unable to lift my right arm. This week its my left thumb. It stiffens up during the night and I have to pop it when I move it in order to get it working again. It clicks a weird click while I move it when I knit. Lots of fun since I've started trying to knit to sell again. The difference between now and two years ago is that now I just acknowledge that its the peculiarities of my weird body and I have to live with it. I take my ibuprofen and march on. I expected to have issues when I first came out here because I knew I would be under stress and I wasn't going to be able to rest while I faced it. 

Now onto the more pleasant side of knitting with fibro; knitting!!!
Here are some of the things I've been working on:

This is my attempt at a braided rag rug. I've decided that this would be a great project to use discarded clothing and make something that can be used around the house or sold. So far I finished this rug and the dog has already blessed it with her urine.  It's in a bag to be taken to the laundromat  on our next trip there.

 

   These are the socks and the hat I made for Randy the last couple weeks of his illness. They gave him comfort, even if they weren't anything special to look at. I knitted the socks inside out so that the smooth "knitted" side would be against his skin. He was having problems with itching and burning skin, but his feet were cold at night and he needed something to warm them. The hat is a simple tapered crown beanie hat that I made from some worsted weight yarn. He wore it to sleep in. I have both stashed in my drawer in my room and will keep them forever.

A gaggle of wash cloths were made. These are only two of them, I also made two more with variegated yarn that are now nesting in my linen closet and have already been broken in on dishes. I picked up the yarn to make more and a dish towel that I will crochet a loop on and sell as a set. I also picked up a hot glue gun and some magnet buttons to make refrigerator magnets to sell with my dishcloth sets. 

I also made a whole bunch of socks that I sent to my charity in Florida before Christmas, but didn't take pictures because I was rotating between computers at the time. Now that I inherited Randy's laptop, I am able to better publish my blog and take knitting pictures. 

Even in the worse of times, there are good things that come from it. I had the opportunity to meet a new friend or two while I was helping Randy. It was a huge relief and pleasure to meet Anita, a home health aid that came by three times a week to help Randy shower and shave. She was a tower of strength that stood about 5 feet tall.  Her upbeat attitude never ceased to amaze me.

The other person that I really got a chance to meet was Dianna. Randy's best friend Gerald's wife. Even when I was taking care of him right at the end of his life, she was there, making me look forward to the future. She offered her help in starting a craft business and got me off my rear after he passed. I am looking forward to working together with her and making this thing really happen this time. 

So now, it happens. I'm on my own and I have a young man here that needs my support. I know that my disability isn't enough to make ends meet so my knitting will have to fill in the gap. That means I have to get serious about it and force it to work for me. Considering all that I've been through in the last few years, this will be a breeze.haha!

  

 

Another update

Its about time that I updated my blog. 
Since I last posted a few things have happened. First of all, I lost my husband and my soul mate. Randy passed away on the 18th of January from the cancer that he found out about in October. 

After I last posted, I got so frustrated with State disability in California and the way they were sitting on his paperwork and causing us so much difficulty that I e-mailed the State Senator, Senator Fuller, and complained. I really didn't expect to hear from her, so I continued to sit on the phone until, finally, after several days of calling almost constantly every 20 minutes, I got through. They were holding his paperwork in Sacramento because it lacked a code number for his diagnoses that the social worker at the VA forgot to put on it. I called the VA to try and get it remedied and the social worker stated that there wasn't anything they could do unless Randy made the hour long trip down there to sign a form. While I was looking up a number to call for a patient advocate, the senator's office called me. Her aid asked me what issues I was having and, after I explained, told me to stay by the phone, someone would call me right back. Sure enough, in about 15 minutes I had a patient advocate from the VA on the phone telling me how they could work things out so that Randy wouldn't have to make a trip in to the hospital to sign forms. We got his check 3 days later.

Randy wanted to have his mother and father sealed in the temple. It was something that he always spoke of over the years, but we always seemed to have something that kept us from getting it done. There are times when I've know someone that was ill and was hanging onto life because they had something that was so important to them that they just weren't able to let go until it was finished, and that turned out to be what Randy felt about his parents being sealed. He tried to go to church to ask the Bishop about it while he was on hospice, but he just wasn't strong enough to do so. The week before he died, he asked the missionaries if they could have the Bishop come to the house and he did. He informed Randy that he had his wife check the records and that his parents had already been sealed for several years. Randy was so relieved and happy that he broke down into tears and wept. The next day, he and I decided that he was too weak to get up and use the facilities and that I wasn't strong enough to move him in bed so we had the social worker for the visiting nurses association find a spot for him at a convalescence home. He was moved to the home on the 17th and passed away on the 18th, just three days after finding out that the sealing had taken place. 

The last three months that I spent with him went by way to fast and there are so many things I want to tell him and share with him, but I won't be able to until I see him again.  

Why I've been AWOL for so long

So, yeah... things have been a bit on the crazy side lately. Here's what is happening:

I was just getting into the groove of re purposing  and working on a knitting and sewing business when we had a visit from my husband, Randy.  Randy and I have been split up for the last two years and he came out to visit and take my daughter to see "Wicked" in Las Vegas, for her birthday. That was mid September. When he showed up, he looked pale and like he had lost weight. He complained that he was fighting a persistent cough and was feeling bad, so he had me go with her instead. He just seemed weak and fragile the whole weekend he was there and we were worried and spoke of it later.

Two weeks later he called to tell us that he was in the hospital and asked if we could send John (my 22 year old son) out to take care of his dog while he was treated for a bleeding ulcer. Of course, we juggled finances and got John out there as quickly as we could.
A week later he called again and said that the doctors told him he had cancer. Michelle and I made arrangements and went to see him at the VA hospital in California where he was at. We stayed at his place in the High Desert while we were there and cleaned it up as good as we could so he would be able to come home to a healthy environment. John opted to stay and take care of the dog when we went home three days later. Michelle got FMLA approved at work so we could make any more trips that were needed.

Two weeks later, he called again and admitted that he didn't think he would be allowed to leave the hospital. He was that sick. His Aunt Bobby also called and appealed to me that he needed someone to watch over him if he were released from the hospital. This time Michelle wasn't able to take time off work, so I took the Grayhound out and made trips to the hospital from his house. After I was there for a week, it was decided to allow him to go home and be in hospice care. 

So that is where we stand now. I'm his caretaker while he is in hospice and he has been given less that 6 months. The cancer is in his small intestines, his lungs, and his back and he is very weak. He has lost about 50 lbs in 2 months. We have a visiting nurse that comes by twice a week and a home health aid that comes 3 times a week. 

I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster. I'm taking care of a man that I swore I wouldn't live with anymore and I ended up spending all of my disability check for the last two months to take care of him. We have applied two months ago for state disability and SSI for him and haven't seen any of that yet. After not being able to get through to State Disability for California on their website (it seems to be in maintenance a lot) and not being able to call them (they have a recording that lets us know there are too many people ahead of us and to call back...every time we call), we are at wits end. SSI is being handled by an attorney, and they keep sending us the same form to fill out and send in. Randy's car broke down and we don't have money to fix it, so I'm packing laundry to a laundromat three times a week and taking the bus to buy groceries. We simply don't have enough money for the part needed to fix the car. 

On the other hand, we have had enough time to really talk and work on the issues that had me leave two years ago. We are getting along better now than we have in years and I genuinely care for him.  It is extremely difficult to see him getting sicker and sicker and I feel awful that I can't fix this whole cancer thing. This is one time when my knitting has really helped to keep me calm and has helped me to think about something other than our situation here. 

The place here is tiny. Its a converted garage in the back of a lot with the house rental in front. Randy rents the garage and a young couple and baby live in the house. They share a large yard where Randy's dog, Shadow, interacts with the neighbor's dog. I had Michelle bring my little dog, 2bits out to be with me as I don't know how long I'll be here. The house has two rooms and a tiny bathroom. One room has a small kitchen on one end and Randy's desk on the other. We managed to squeeze a hospital bed in Randy's room along with a twin bed and John and I take turns sleeping on the twin bed. 

The first thing I did when I got here was to scour the entire place. It was extremely dusty and had insect issues. I made sure it was clean before Randy came home from the hospital.  I had to get some extra sheets that were long enough for the hospital bed and had Chelle bring out some towels so there would be enough for us. I also had to hit the dollar store to get enough dishes for the three of us. I made up a daily cleaning schedule using my Flylady training and made a control journal to keep up on it. After a month of that, the place is sparkling. 

My stress over the finances is growing. It isn't even half way through the month and I've used up my foodstamps and SSI check and we still haven't heard a peep from disability for Randy, other than that they are working on his application and not to email them again. Not sure how we're going to magically get food and pay for laundry when my money is gone. We called a social worker at the VA and after giving us the website for disability (the same one we were already trying and not getting through on), she applied to a charity for Vets that helps out in extreme need. They were able to cover the rent for us at least.  

My sock project continued!

So, here are the first five pairs of socks that I made to go to the school in Florida. I'm having a lot of fun with this project.

This has been keeping me pretty busy which is good because things around the house have been hectic and I use my knitting to stay sane. My fibro issues have been up and down. I have short flares interspersed with times where my energy is up and I'm doing better. I received a new cpap machine from my doctor and that is helping some, but I'm having battles with Social Security and medicaid and that causes some stress. Our roommates are moving next week and it also causes some stress. 

My other news is that I'm working on spiritual issues and we're trying to "get green" at our place. I started making a lot of my own cleaning and hygiene products and we went vegetarian a couple months ago. The change in diet has improved my diabetes and I'm getting used to it and finding it helps with my energy levels as well. I was already walking on the treadmill regularly so now I'm actually losing a little weight. All of that helps my fibro pain. I'll keep posting sock pictures as I make them.