So, yeah... things have been a bit on the crazy side lately. Here's what is happening:
I was just getting into the groove of re purposing and working on a knitting and sewing business when we had a visit from my husband, Randy. Randy and I have been split up for the last two years and he came out to visit and take my daughter to see "Wicked" in Las Vegas, for her birthday. That was mid September. When he showed up, he looked pale and like he had lost weight. He complained that he was fighting a persistent cough and was feeling bad, so he had me go with her instead. He just seemed weak and fragile the whole weekend he was there and we were worried and spoke of it later.
Two weeks later he called to tell us that he was in the hospital and asked if we could send John (my 22 year old son) out to take care of his dog while he was treated for a bleeding ulcer. Of course, we juggled finances and got John out there as quickly as we could.
A week later he called again and said that the doctors told him he had cancer. Michelle and I made arrangements and went to see him at the VA hospital in California where he was at. We stayed at his place in the High Desert while we were there and cleaned it up as good as we could so he would be able to come home to a healthy environment. John opted to stay and take care of the dog when we went home three days later. Michelle got FMLA approved at work so we could make any more trips that were needed.
Two weeks later, he called again and admitted that he didn't think he would be allowed to leave the hospital. He was that sick. His Aunt Bobby also called and appealed to me that he needed someone to watch over him if he were released from the hospital. This time Michelle wasn't able to take time off work, so I took the Grayhound out and made trips to the hospital from his house. After I was there for a week, it was decided to allow him to go home and be in hospice care.
So that is where we stand now. I'm his caretaker while he is in hospice and he has been given less that 6 months. The cancer is in his small intestines, his lungs, and his back and he is very weak. He has lost about 50 lbs in 2 months. We have a visiting nurse that comes by twice a week and a home health aid that comes 3 times a week.
I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster. I'm taking care of a man that I swore I wouldn't live with anymore and I ended up spending all of my disability check for the last two months to take care of him. We have applied two months ago for state disability and SSI for him and haven't seen any of that yet. After not being able to get through to State Disability for California on their website (it seems to be in maintenance a lot) and not being able to call them (they have a recording that lets us know there are too many people ahead of us and to call back...every time we call), we are at wits end. SSI is being handled by an attorney, and they keep sending us the same form to fill out and send in. Randy's car broke down and we don't have money to fix it, so I'm packing laundry to a laundromat three times a week and taking the bus to buy groceries. We simply don't have enough money for the part needed to fix the car.
On the other hand, we have had enough time to really talk and work on the issues that had me leave two years ago. We are getting along better now than we have in years and I genuinely care for him. It is extremely difficult to see him getting sicker and sicker and I feel awful that I can't fix this whole cancer thing. This is one time when my knitting has really helped to keep me calm and has helped me to think about something other than our situation here.
The place here is tiny. Its a converted garage in the back of a lot with the house rental in front. Randy rents the garage and a young couple and baby live in the house. They share a large yard where Randy's dog, Shadow, interacts with the neighbor's dog. I had Michelle bring my little dog, 2bits out to be with me as I don't know how long I'll be here. The house has two rooms and a tiny bathroom. One room has a small kitchen on one end and Randy's desk on the other. We managed to squeeze a hospital bed in Randy's room along with a twin bed and John and I take turns sleeping on the twin bed.
The first thing I did when I got here was to scour the entire place. It was extremely dusty and had insect issues. I made sure it was clean before Randy came home from the hospital. I had to get some extra sheets that were long enough for the hospital bed and had Chelle bring out some towels so there would be enough for us. I also had to hit the dollar store to get enough dishes for the three of us. I made up a daily cleaning schedule using my Flylady training and made a control journal to keep up on it. After a month of that, the place is sparkling.
My stress over the finances is growing. It isn't even half way through the month and I've used up my foodstamps and SSI check and we still haven't heard a peep from disability for Randy, other than that they are working on his application and not to email them again. Not sure how we're going to magically get food and pay for laundry when my money is gone. We called a social worker at the VA and after giving us the website for disability (the same one we were already trying and not getting through on), she applied to a charity for Vets that helps out in extreme need. They were able to cover the rent for us at least.
