Hi World, It's Me Again!

 Hi! It's me!

Wow! I haven't blogged here in such a long time! I'm 62 years old now and I've managed to keep living through all the craziness of having fibro and dealing with out of control diabetes, thyroid issues, high blood pressure, etc. etc. In spite of all the pain and set backs, I keep trying to live the good life and progress through it. On top of my own issues with disabilities, this year has thrown a lot of poo at me. Covid 19 came barreling along, along with climate change issues, political shit shows, and just plain misery from people who should be able to adult, but can't quite seem to measure up to it. 

Where I'm at right now: I share a beautiful house with a gorgeous view of Mt. Rainier from the front porch and windows. Five adults all sharing rent and making it possible to live here. I get the two smallest rooms in the house to myself and have one of them all fixed up to be a terrific craft room stocked with yarn and fabric along with all my needleworking toys. I have my computer set up in the room as well and I spend a lot of time zoning on computer games when my pain calls for a "down" or "brain fog" day. I have three cats that share the space with me and occasionally pull me from my fogginess by demanding my attention. I am also in possession of a planter garden in my back yard where I go to connect with the earth. I have all my favorite herbs for making tea growing out there and I take our dog with me and go water every day, even if I don't want to, so my green stuff doesn't die. Most weekends I spend doing table top role playing games with the kids and making food. I also possess a tread mill and an under desk style exercise bike to keep my gastroparosis in check and not taking over my life. 

My last doctor appointment was two weeks ago and It was determined that I need to see a cardiologist (joy) and that I need to replace my cpap machine which of course needs authorization from Medical....which hasn't found a need to ever get back to my doctor. So I get to jump into that wild goose chase and try and get something that is obviously needed (not only is my machine old as fuck, but it was recalled a while ago and I never found out). The doctor said that the recall states that the machine shouldn't be used because it can cause cancer, but I should still use it because...you know...I might die from lack of oxygen if I don't... So if I don't hear from them by Monday, I'm gonna need to call the doctor back and find out if she has had any communication from Medical and then go from there. My back up plan is to, once again in my life, switch from medical to the VA and attempt to get a quicker resolution from them. Nothing is quicker when it comes to the VA, but I have to try. Can't go on using a machine that isn't giving me the rest I need and continuing to live in a fog all the time.

I seem to have periods of time when I feel more active and alert and I plan a cleaning schedule, start knitting for different causes, and enjoy doing things with the kids more often. But they don't last for more than a couple weeks before I go back into a foggy period where my sleep schedule goes off and I get grumpy and head-achy and have digestive and blood sugar issues again.  

In spite of everything, I have managed to keep on my exercise schedule of a half hour of walking on the treadmill or stationery biking every day (depending on how I feel determining which one I choose). I'm on two types of shots a day now, Victoza in the morning and insulin at night along with oral medication (Metformine) twice a day and I take a host of other medications as well. 

I don't get out of the house much any more. I fall asleep or have gut issues too much to get far from my room and my bathroom. I sleep anywhere and anytime now. I even fall asleep while I'm in the middle of exercising unless I have a video or lively enough music going. I actually fell asleep while I was on the treadmill and luckily woke up quick enough to catch my balance and keep from falling. I fall asleep constantly while I knit and crochet and even poked my hand with my needle a week ago while trying to embroider. The challenge is real! When people ask me why I'm unable to work if I am able to do all my crafts for charities, I simply ask them to point me out to an employer that wouldn't mind it if I took several naps a day while at work. That usually shuts them right up. Haha

The challenge, seriously, is to find a way to stay upbeat and not get depressed while struggling with my disabilities. I constantly search for ways to increase my energy while at the same time, try to stay adaptable and live each day at a time (sometimes each moment). If I'm tired, I tell myself that there is no shame in napping at any time or any amount of times, a day. If my energy is low, I put off doing housework and pull up my knitting, or even put my games on my computer and shut out the noise in my head that tells me I'm not being productive enough. If I am unable to find solutions to my health problems, I lay them out before my doctor and try to ignore the voice in my head telling me I'm some kind of phleb and that I complain all the time. 

Now the pins and needles part of the blog. I'm working on making small teddy bears for kids in the local hospital and for friends that have asked for them. I'm also working on making socks and afghans (I have a corner to corner crocheted blanket I'm working on right now) and plan to give them to nursing homes in the area that accept them. I am doing a little sewing right now and hope to restore second hand baby dolls and make clothes for them to be donated to low income children in our area as well. So plenty of projects to show and report on.

I Love My Body

This is long, sorry.

I know it sounds like I’m bragging and I apologize, but I really love my body. Yes, I know that I am overweight, have age spots, gray hair, and big feet. I just need to let it be known, that I don’t care. Every time I see my faults in the mirror, I am aware of them, and I know that I am still a work in progress and need to keep in shape so I can enjoy this body for the rest of my life. But, still, I remind myself of all the things this mortal, fleshy, bag of holding (Dungeons & Dragons pun), has gotten me through.
It has pulled me through working since I was 15 until I could no longer work. It saw me through 5 mile runs while I was in basic training in the army, Hiking through mountain trails while carrying 20+ pounds of cleaning supplies every day in the San Bernardino mountains. It helped me get through many graveyard shifts, standing 8 hours a day, while working in fast food on hard, tile floors. It allowed me to clean toilets, wash dishes, change diapers, and bend over to clean the oven for over 50 years.
It made it possible to bring two amazing people into existence and give birth to them, as well as one angel baby that I never got to know personally outside of the womb. It stayed mentally strong while I said goodbye to my mother and father, as well as my husband who I got to spend 34 years beside. It allowed me take care of that wonderful man while he made the transition to the next phase of existence.
My body made it through all the changes I put it through; the times I lost and gained back pounds, the fast food I gleefully chucked into it, the stress and muscle soreness, sunburns, surgeries, and sleepless nights. It slept in beds that were broken down, car seats, and couches where my neck was crinked. It paced the floor holding squalling babies (and then, thankfully, sleeping babies). It rocked back and forth while dealing with nausea after being forced to overdo it. It held and supported my husband when he was unable to walk and needed a hand.
Sure, it’s pudgy and sore, but it deserves my love and care. I am disabled and on disability so that I can give back to it, some of what it gave to me. Love.

A Fresh Start!

I have found that my diabetes, fibromyalgia, and sleep apnea, and weight all combine to play off of each other and increase how sick I am. As I get sicker and sicker (and gain weight), it becomes easier to do nothing and blame one sickness or another on my lack of energy.

On the 31st of May, I decided I need to turn things around and dig myself out of the hole I've dug for myself. I was getting depressed and was giving up. Funny how that works. I hit a low spot and then I realize that I am not pleased with where I am and I start working to improve. I still have a little fire in my veins.

First, my doctor put me on insulin so that we could start bringing down my blood sugar. Then I started using one of those little bicycle peddle machines that I had purchased over a year ago. I started with only 15 minutes a day.

That was just three weeks ago. I had two days of misery where my digestive system rebelled and I was in serious pain, then it started to improve. I started a food plan and restricted my calories and portions, then increased the exercise to 15 minutes after each meal. I was amazed at how my blood sugar readings dropped and I started sleeping better.

The next week I increased the time on the peddle machine to 20 minutes after each meal and I noticed that I had lost a couple pounds. Now I'm down 10 pounds and I'm feeling remarkably better! I can walk up the steps to our apartment and I'm not short of breath and my heart is no longer pounding. I sleep about 8 hours each night and I am getting normal blood sugar readings every day!! I'm not even nearly as hungry as my stomach decreases in size and I am no longer depressed!

Because I feel better, I find myself volunteering more and doing more around the apartment. I have increased the amount of time I can work on my knitting and sewing and I feel enthusiastic again!

Listen to your doctor! He/she really knows what they are talking about!

I Haven't Posted in a Long Time

I know I haven't been real good at keeping my blog updated, but let me attempt an update.

My fibro has remained pretty much the same. I changed doctors because the doctor I was seeing at the VA has retired and, since there were no replacements, I opted to use a program called Veteran's Choice and see a doctor outside of the VA. At my last appointment with the VA doctor, she told me that I had signs of kidney disease, but didn't give me any idea of what stage it was in or what I should do for treatment. It took me about 3 months to get in with the new doctor and when she did blood tests, she informed me that there were no signs of kidney disease at all. 😕 Since she is not interested in helping me figure out where the confusion is coming from, I have decided that I need to tend to my diet and exercise and do whatever I can on my own.

As far as keeping down stress, it seems like an ongoing battle. I knit and crochet still, but this month has been particularly rough. Our old male cat, Morgan, has had bowel problems for a long time, but lately he has taken a turn for the worse. We don't have the extra funds right now for Vet bills so we made the decision to have him put down, especially since he stopped eating and has had blood and a loose stool for a couple weeks and didn't look like he was going to pull through. We had it done over the last weekend and it was difficult. It brought back all the losses I've suffered through over the years and Michelle took it really hard as well. I keep getting up at night and find myself in tears when I don't hear him calling to me to feed him. We also have a move pending and that is stressful. The house is in that "kinda packed, kinda not packed" phase and it makes for a mess.

As far as my crafting, I'm excited that I'll be having a room to myself when we get moved. I picked up a couple patterns to make clothes for myself and look forward to turning my bedroom into a sewing room as well, in the new apartment.

I have been working on baby sweaters and hats for the last month or two. I closed down the clothing closet and have been working with the Others Helping Others facebook page  to take orders for sweater and hat sets. This is what they look like:

I still have a bunch of orders to go. The last set went to Michelle for a friend of hers at work. I got sidetracked for a week or two while playing video games and had to get myself focused back on my knitting. I started by using a crochet pattern for the hats, but, because my favorite sweater pattern is knitted, I designed a knitter version to make with the sweaters. Here is my pattern:

Baby Turban Hat

4 size 8 doublepoint needles
worsted weight yarn

cast on 60 stitches and divide on three needles at 20 stitches per needle.
Rnds 1 through 4, knit straight
Rnds 5 through 8, purl straight
repeat the last 8 rounds total, 4 times.
rnds 33 through 36, knit straight.
Rnd 37 *(knit 8, knit 2 together). repeat * to end of round
Rnd 38 knit straight
Rnd 39 *(kniit 7, knit 2 together). repeat * to end of round

repeat the pattern, decreasing one round and knitting straight one round, until you are done with the round where you have knit 2, knit 2 together around. Finish off by cutting the yarn with a long tail. Put the yarn from the tail onto a yarn needle and pull it through all the stitches on the needles, removing the needles as you do. Pull the yarn tight so that no hole remains on the crown of the hat. Pull the yarn through to the inside of the hat and knot and weave the end.

Put a long length of yarn on the needle and, leaving a long enough end to weave in, gather the bottom of the "rings" to the top of the "rings and, pulling tight wrap the yarn multiple times through to make the "knot" on the front of the hat. Weave all ends in on the inside of the hat.

Well, that's all for now. 

The Daily Struggle

I'm working on housework today. I follow a daily routine that makes it possible to keep the housework done by doing routines, scheduled breaks, and uses timers so that I don't have to try to do everything at once and burn myself out.

When I have bad days, I only do as much as I am able. When I feel better, I just pick up where I left off and don't try to catch up what I missed while I was feeling bad.

No stress!

My Cats are Making Me Crazy

While I'm typing this my cats are causing havoc in the living room. I really need to knit and calm myself down.Haha
I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Life has been just a bit hectic lately. I started a clothing closet in my garage at the start of the summer and got it going pretty good by the end of the summer. Things were actually pretty regular and fun and Michelle (my adult daughter) and I had just started going to the gym a couple times a week to swim when our lives were tipped upside down. Michelle ended up in ICU with a severe infection and we almost lost her.

What started as a small abscess turned, in just 4 days, into necrotizing faciitis (the flesh eating infection you always hear about in the news). After 55 days in the hospital and 13 surgical procedures she was discharged and sent home. With me on disability and her part time job put on hold, things got really frightening.

We found out who in our family we could count on and how much we can handle when we put our minds into it. I found out that my pain disability can be put on a back burner when it comes to being supportive of someone else (something I knew previously from my experience of taking care of Randy while he fought cancer, but I forgot). I did have to close the clothing closet temporarily. I managed to keep up the house and still spent at least 50 days at the hospital with Michelle.

She is home now and slowly we are getting our lives together. The finances are still in a disaster, but the routines are getting up and going and I'm actually starting to make some plans for the future. I registered for classes at the local community college and am making decisions on how to make it possible to bring in an income.

While Michelle was in the hospital and I was sitting in her room, I managed to soothe myself with some knitting and crocheting. I made her some bedsocks first, then started some doilies and made some things to donate to the hospital NICU while I was at it. Here is one of the doilies I got done.

I find that in the long run, the most relaxing and mind numbing thing for me to do is doilies. They are challenging enough to keep my thoughts on my work and off of the crisis I'm dealing with, and yet are relaxing because after you figure out the current round, you can go around the doily, repeating the same thing over and over and can let your mind wander a little. Good for meditation.

All in all, we came out of our situation with our  heads held high and our sanity intact.

Friday is here!

Yay! The weekend is here! This weekend is a three day affair. Just John and I will be home, Michelle has a camping trip with her friends from her ecology club at school.

I finished a baby set this week. It includes a baby afghan and three bibs. I made a similar one a couple weeks ago for the same Aunt, who ordered them through my Gnomish Gnits business.

Catching Up

I know I'm a terrible blog mommy, but I tend to get caught up in my life and forget to update things.
So to update, let me start with my health. First, brace yourselves, but I've done some serious rethinking about my fibromyalgia.
Through some recent situations and friendships, it occurred to me that my past decisions and attempts to get healthier have been unsuccessful at doing just that, making me healthy. I tried to take a different stance.

First, the prevailing thought path for those of us with this disease is that we should hook up with some support groups. Well, I've found over time that no one really knows any more than I already read in medical research sites about what causes fibro or any consensus on how to address it. Even the little medical advice we get is usually dismissed by anyone who doesn't find immediate relief.

The big thing that caught my eye is the argument I hear that fibro sufferers consider their malady as progressive in nature and doctors don't. At first, I was right there with the others. I felt that I was getting worse as I aged. But, then I realized, I felt worse because I was inactive and my other problems were getting worse because of that. I was gaining weight and losing muscle tone so my diabetes was getting out of control and I was having more muscle pain and neuropathy in my legs. My digestion was worse and I was suffering from boughts of nausea and bowel issues. My blood sugar was all over the place and I was dealing with dizzy spells. But when I tried to find information on how to get active, I kept hearing about how I need to take it extremely slow and careful. Most advice was to only do a couple minutes a day, maybe two days a week. Well, I already know that I don't show any improvement moving that slow. I start, feel gunky because I haven't done any exercise for a long time, get discouraged and stop. Not only nothing better, but it usually is worse along with a huge serving of self loathing. It's then followed up with increases in diabetes medications, the doctor reacting to my exercise flare with more pain meds, then the whole medication side affects and more meds for those, and on and on.

So I got mad, not just frustrated. I was beginning to feel like the whole thing was a set up to get me hooked on more pills. Not only that, but the support groups were starting to feel like pity parties and less like support. So I dropped the support groups and decided to get active.

I began by just getting out more and doing things in our neighborhood and town. Trips to the museums and parks, even though I would get short of breath and have sore legs. I concentrated on my surroundings and less on my discomfort.

As I got out more and with having meetings for emergency preparedness, I realized that I seriously needed to drop weight and get stronger to keep up. I started taking walks. First, I walked 1 1/2 miles to the library and found I could make it, but it was exhausting. I forgot my cane on one of the trips and realized that I really didn't need it. I was using it as moral support, not because it was actually helping me. I stopped using it permanently.

I soon came to realize that I needed to walk more often than an occasional walk to the library, so I bit back my embarrassment at using the exercise room in our apartment complex and started getting on the treadmill there. I started going 4 days a week and walking at 2 miles an hour for a half hour, then increased the speed and time gradually. Yes, I was sore. Yes, I had a fibro flare. Yes, I was often short of breath and thought I was dying.

But, with the help of a good book each day, I was able to distract myself enough to continue. I found that it helped to pick up books about positive energy, how to motivate yourself, and how to increase your happiness.

Then it happened! I started feeling better during the day. Not only was my breathing better and my pain in my lungs gone, but I felt more management over my flares and leg pain as well. I had a flare with my hip when I increased my speed up to 3 mph, but I took an extra day off and started slower when I went back and increased slower. My next doctor appointment went better. My blood pressure was better, I hadn't lost weight and my blood sugar hadn't changed for the better, but my cholesterol was lowered into the normal range.

The next week after that, I increased to 5 days a week. A week after that, the manager put a bathroom scale in the exercise room and I discovered that I had lost 5 pounds. A week later, it increased to a 10 lb loss.

It's been a couple months (I started walking to the library at the end of February and it's mid May now). I'm down 20 lbs now, my blood sugar readings are in the normal range for the first time in a couple years, and I have good management of my fibro pain. I sleep through the night now and I'm finally not dozing off or needing a nap during the day. I can finally keep up with house work and I've been much more successful at getting my knitting business going.

I believe that when we act sick, we actually get sick. You have to stop fighting so hard for the right to be able to be sick and start fighting for the right to wellness. It won't always come to you through the doctor or through medication. Sometimes you have to knock down the walls that are holding you still. I realize that every person with fibro has their own unique set of ailments and diagnoses, but it's up to you to take the reigns of your condition and take control. The doctor's interest is not your interest. I plan to keep digging my way out and I hope you can make a plan to get out also.

Public Shaming Disabled People and Other Thoughts

I have a friend, who like myself, is suffering the effects of having fibromyalgia in a society that doesn't like to face the fact that there are disabled people around them who might need a helping hand. She has applied and been denied disability through Social Security multiple times and has to work in order to support her children and herself and she is getting grief from her co-workers about taking time off when she is ill.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand that when a person feels bad while at work, they are not able to function as well as the other workers. Why is it so difficult for our government agency that is supposed to be helping in these situations to step up to the plate and give these people a little help or let them collect the disability that is there for them? Are we so sure that a majority of people trying to get aid are really able to work and don't need aid, that we are willing to let people who need aid "fall through the cracks" and suffer?

When I talk to this friend, I'm reminded of my own struggle to get help. I had to reapply several times before I finally was able to get disability and then, it was the lowest amount they could award and not enough to support me. I only got awarded, my worker told me, because I had several chronic conditions that aggravated each other, or I would have never been able to get help. Even now, I am scrutinized by the agency continually to make sure I "deserve" to get disability. Every where I go, everything I do, I have to worry if someone is going to decide that I'm not "worthy" or that I'm faking my disability. Even though I know that I need to be parked close to the doors at the supermarket, I have to worry that someone will see me park and get out and walk into the store without a wheelchair or cane and will decide that I'm not disabled (they need to remain around to see me drag myself out, exhausted, after a mere grocery shopping trip to get a load of what I look like when I've used all my reserves on something so mundane). I have people who innocently ask me why I can't work at a business to support my family if I can work from home to do so. I have to patiently explain that most bosses won't allow workers to drop what they are doing and nap mid way through their shift, or spend an hour staring off into space when they should be attending to work. I get asked how I can get laundry done, do dishes, volunteer at something,etc. They feel I need to explain my movements to them. 

To the "nay sayers" I say, "Are you a medical profession that knows my history and case? Because if you aren't then why are you second guessing my doctor's advice to use a parking placard, get in a walk every day, try to stay as active as possible, and be on disability?" What do you know about me and my story that you feel I should be ashamed about what I do during my day? What gives you the right to judge someone else? Do you really think that I want this life? That I looked forward to and worked towards having an aching, sore body? That I want to be trying to live my life while sleep deprived and exhausted? Do you think people chose that? I always hear people say, "well...so and so is really just trying to get attention". REALLY?! I have plenty of talents and abilities that can get me positive attention, why would I seek negative attention?

My advice to you, pay attention to the areas of your own life that could use a little work and stop worrying about what I do. When you are around someone with a disability, attempt to use kindness to deal with that person. They can stand to hear something positive and uplifting and not be shamed about something that they often have no control over. Treat them like you, yourself, would care to be treated. Our world can use a little more positive kindness and a little less negative meanness.

That is all, go about your day...

More Studies Done on the Good Effects from Knitting

I found another article about studies done on how knitting and other textile hand crafts can improve mood. Not only that, but what really caught my eye on this one is that they say they have found that knitting also helps with inflammation. Since I'm trying to lower inflammation right now through exercise and diet, that is particularly interesting to me.
https://www.yahoo.com/makers/happiness-is-a-needle-and-thread-away-the-mental-113527012940.html

I've been working on reviving my energy towards my knitting lately. I'm working on knitting up some things to sell on ebay and for members of my little group of family and friends. I started off yesterday by working up some fingerless gloves for myself. I'm having joint pain issues in my thumb again so I decided that I need to have gloves to keep the joint at the base of my thumb warm while I knit. They worked up so quickly that I plan to make a couple pairs to sell as well.

fingerless gloves/mitts in acrylic yarn

I'm also doing some research on how my fibro affects my spirituality or my spirituality affects my fibro. I know that when I'm not fogging out and sleep deprived, I tend to delve more deeply into everything spirtual.
Well, back to knitting and meditating.

Invisible Disabilities

I'm reading an ongoing discussion on one of the facebook groups I'm on for knitters and I just have to say, I think that people who deal with invisible disabilities have to be some of the most resilient and strong people around. They not only deal with pain and suffering from their illness and how to cope with that, but they also have to cope with other people who are judgmental and cruel, who make unsolicited comments and have attitudes that bully and hurt. I know that people will all kinds of disabilities have to deal with that some, but it just seems more prevalent with people dealing with something that isn't immediately obvious to the observer.

Unfortunately,  it isn't usually a stranger, but someone they know well, who lives with them or comes to their home that makes the comments, gives the exasperated expression, etc. As a person who has had fibromyalgia for a few years, I know that I am on the sensitive side and tend to pick up on it way too easily. I have to resist the urge to immediately defend my actions, when I really shouldn't ever have to.

I have to say that I'm really lucky to have the family that I have. They support without judgement and understand that pain isn't something that a person "chooses" to have in order to get attention. They know that I would give anything to be able to work and support myself instead of depending on the Government to support me. They know how important it is to me to be able to do all that I physically can before I ask for help for something and when I do ask, they know that it's my last resort and I don't do it for attention.

Its my prayer that everyone else can have the same support and love from the people that are important to them.

Gentle Hugs
Peg 

Hand stretching exercises for knitters

I always hear people on the different knitting groups talking about the arthritis, and other types of pain that they have in their hands. There are a plethora of products to help with it. On one of my earlier posts on this blog I put a link to a site where you can buy gloves to help with the problem.

Well, today I actually found some exercises to help with the pain. My own remedy is to take frequent breaks or to switch up to another type of craft or way to hold your needles to give certain muscles and joints a break. When I take a break, I usually stretch my hands and rub lotion into them to help. I really look forward to trying out these exercises.

My Latest Attempts at Getting Healthy

I was looking at my daughter and the somewhat morbid thought ran through my head, "What would happen to the kids if I were to die young like their father did" and it startled me. I realize that as much as I love both of them, they aren't ready to go it alone yet. Age is a number only. Even if your child is an adult, there isn't a magical cut off date when they'll be ready to move out on their own. Through no fault of their own, or any fault of Randy and I, they just are not ready yet, either emotionally or psychologically to do it on their own.

So that made me realize, that until they are ready, I need to do what I can to get healthy. That means I need to stop making excuses for why I'm not watching what I eat and I'm not getting regular exercise. No more blaming my lack of motion on my fibromyalgia and arthritis and no more telling myself that it is too hard to eat properly to deal with my diabetes. I just have to get on it.

I went to my doctor last week and let her know that I want to start the Veteran's Administration's M.O.V.E. program for weight loss and exercise. I got signed up on Friday and saw a nutritionist. The put in a referral for my doctor to ok me to visit the gym on the hospital campus and  to go to meetings for weight loss support. I started yesterday officially, but today I went to the park and got exercise by walking my dog. I also got a blog started to track my weight loss and blood sugar and to encourage myself to keep going.

This is me and Shadow at Spanaway Park in Washington (near my home in Lakewood). You may notice that I have my knitting bag on my arm. It goes with me everywhere, and yes, I did stop at one point and do some public knitting.Haha!

So wish me luck. I'm hoping the exercise and weight loss will help me with all my health problems, including my fibromyalgia. I will keep everyone updated on my progress, hopefully without boring everyone to tears with it.LOL

Why I Don't Go to Church Anymore

Dear Visiting Teacher,

Please stop calling me. In order for me to listen to your message, you take minutes away from my phone that I need for doctor appointment calls and I can't afford more minutes.

Besides, I've stopped going to church and don't intend to go back. You see, I only make enough money on Social Security to pay my rent and utilities and nothing more. Yes, I do get food stamps, but they don't cover the cost of living each month. I have enough money left over after rent and utilities to pay for my bus fare for the month and half of the laundry, none for tithing, toilet paper, dish soap, cleaners, cat food, clothing, or anything extra...like lunch with my church friends, or an extra casserole for a funeral. If my food stamps don't make it to the end of the month, I eat nothing but biscuits or potatoes until the next batch of stamps arrive in my account. (I might make a copy of this to give to my doctor who suggests that I eat wild salmon a couple times a week and organic vegetables to regulate my blood sugar)

 In order to control my skin conditions, I wash my cloths by hand when the laundry money runs out so that my skin won't break out. I gave up my cable for my TV, I don't have a phone, other than the little track phone that I have to pay to put minutes on, and I get fabric and yarn from clothing that I find and friends that have been generous, otherwise I can't afford to spend on that as well. When I didn't have money to pay for milk, I bounced my checking account and was forced to sell my wedding bands to pay the fees. When a surprise fee was withdrawn for a book store account, I sold my violin to pay the bank for that oversight. I have nothing left to sell to make up for any other mistakes or emergencies that I might have happen.

So when you tell me that I need to have faith that God will step in when I pay my tithing each month, and that he will get me through, I'm not listening any more. I know better. When the Relief Society President and the Bishop tell me that I need to rely on food stamps for my needs and that I can only ask for help from the Bishop Storehouse in the case of a dire emergency, I smile indulgently and turn away, because, for some of us, getting through each month is a dire emergency. And when you tell me that I should try and convert my inactive son and my non member daughter to the church, I laugh. If it weren't for them, I would be homeless right now.

As a church member, my only help would be if I were to marry someone just for convenience sake and have them support me. I don't intend to go there.

Yes, I could kick out my daughter who works part time so that she can deal with her anxiety and OCD that she is unable to get disability for and my son who chooses to deal with his autism without being labeled as disabled and held back from accomplishing his goals that he has set, even if I was able to get past my conscience and do that, I would not make enough to continue living here and would end up homeless or in a dangerous neighborhood where the rent is lower. Right now, the only way we are making it at all is to stick together.

So, I guess you can say that I've been questioning my faith a lot lately. I don't believe that God would be able to love his children and still leave them desperate and hopeless. Would he have me pay tithing and be homeless? Because that is what I look at when I make that decision. There are no other ways to trim expenses and cut costs here. There isn't another "source" of income to be had. I have no other valuables to sell. My health doesn't allow me to miraculously start working again for income.

Do I believe in God? Yes. I believe that he knows my situation and he has given me the intelligence and resourcefulness to find a way to survive, but I don't believe that he expects what the Church expects. I don't think that he expects me to have blind faith and that he'll provide for me while I do.

Peg

More Proof that you should pick up those needles!!

Seems that whenever I get my rear in gear and update my blog after being dormant for way too long, I come across a new article and want to share it...after I already published my blog entry.
So here it is (if I already published it, I call a time out due to Fibro fog. It's a great excuse).

 http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/might-crafts-such-as-knitting-offer-long-term-health-benefits/2014/04/21/d05a8d40-c3ef-11e3-b574-f8748871856a_story.html

I know it helps me, if for no other reason than the fact that while I'm knitting, I'm sitting and resting and still getting something accomplished.LOL

My basic sock pattern

I decided to share my basic sock pattern. I have it downloadable on Ravelry, but I figure that people who don't want to go through the trouble of downloading something can just bookmark it here if they want.

 

Basic Cuff Down Sock Pattern

Knitted with worsted weight yarn

These were made with Red Heart yarn. I prefer to use a short row heel for my socks. The needle I use is a set of size 5 double points.

Cast on 40 (36, 48) stitches for a woman’s size. I’ll put child and man’s sizes in parentheses. I usually like to cast all the stitches onto one needle, then I separate the stitches so that I have one needle (needle #1) with 10 (8,12) stitches, needle 2 with 20 (16, 24) stitches, and needle 3 with 10 (8,12) stitches. Make sure not to twist the needles so that all the stitches are aligned.

Cuff:

I do a knit 2/purl 2 ribbing for 2 inches, working in a circle from one needle to another. Then I switch to a stockinet stitch (all stitches are knit) without breaking the yarn. Work in a stockinet stitch until your work reaches, from the very top to the needle, to measure 6 (5,7) inches. (I just use a standard ruler to measure my work with).

Heel:

Starting between needles 1 and 3, and leaving needle 2 alone, knit to the end until you have only one stitch left on needle 1. Pulling your yarn to the front to start, wrap the yarn around the base of the stitch that is on the end and turn your work so you are looking at the purl side. Keep the yarn to the front of the work after you wrap it.

Row 1: purl across both needles until there is only one stitch left. Wrap the yarn around that last stitch and turn your work. Pull the yarn to the back of the work.

Leave the wrapped stitch on the needle throughout the work. You should now have 9 (7,11) regular stitches and one wrapped stitch on your needles.

Row2: knit across both needles until you get to the 2^nd stitch from the end. Wrap your yarn around the 2^nd stitch just like you did for the 1^st. Turn your work.

Row3: Purl to the 2^nd stitch from the end. Wrap it like the other stitch on the needle and turn. You now should have 8 (6,10) regular stitches on your needles and 2 wrapped stitches on each needle.

You keep going back and forth between the knit side and the purl side until you only have 4(3,6) unwrapped stitches on each needle. Now you are ready to finish the wrapped stitches and the heel.

Knit across the 4 (3,6) stitches on the needle. When you get to the wrapped stitch, use your needle to pick up the wrap yarn and slide it onto the needle in your left hand so that it is next to the next stitch. Then work both strands of yarn at the same time and knit them together. Turn your work.

Now purl across those stitches and then purl across the 4 (3,6) unwrapped stitches on the other needle. When you get to the 1^st wrapped stitch on the needle, pick up and purl both the wrap strand and the stitch on the needle together. Turn your work.

Knit across including the stitch that you knitted two together on the last row. Work the next wrapped stitch the same way, pick up the wrap and slide it onto the needle next to the stitch and knit the two strands together. Turn

Continue knitting and purling across in this fashion and working the wrapped stitches.

When you get all of the wrapped stitches worked you will knit to the end of needle 1 and then pick up a stitch between needle 1 and needle 2 so that you won’t have a hole there. Knit across needle 2 like normal. Then pick up a stitch between needle 2 and needle 3 before knitting all of the remaining stitches on needle 3. You should now have 11(9,13) stitches on needle 1, 20 (18,24)stitches on needle 2, and 11(9,13) stitches on needle 3.

On the next round knit to the end of needle 1 and knit the last two stitches together. Knit all the stitches on needle 2 like normal. Knit 2 stitches together on needle three, then knit the rest of the stitches like normal.

Foot:

Knit across all needles like normal. You should have 10 (8,12) on needle 1 now, 20 (18,24) on needle 2, and 10 (8,12) on needle 3. Continue knitting straight across all needles until your foot portion of the sock measures 7 inches from the edge of the heel to the needle. (I lay my work flat on my table and use a ruler to measure the foot)

Toe:

When your foot portion measures 7 (6,8) inches, knit across needle one so that you are at the side of the foot.

Row 1: knit one. Knit two together, then knit across the needle until you have only three stitches left on needle 2. Slip the next stitch from the needle to the working needle without knitting it (slipped stitch). Then knit the next stitch. Slide the slipped stitch over the stitch you just knitted and off the tip of the needle. Knit the last stitch on needle 2 normally. On needle 3, knit 1, knit 2 together, then knit across the rest of the stitches. On needle 1, knit until there are only 3 stitches left on the needle and then slip a stitch, knit the next stitch, then slip the slip stitch over the knitted stitch. Knit the last stitch on the needle. You should now have 9 (7,11) stitches on needles 1 and 3 and 18 (16, 22) stitches on needle 2.

Row 2: knit across all three needles normally

Row 3: On needle 2, knit one, knit 2 together, then knit until 3 stitches from the end. Slip a stitch, knit a stitch, pass the slipped stitch over the knitted one, knit the last stitch. This stitch is called a PSSO (pass slipped stitch over) and is a type of decrease stitch. On needle 3, knit one stitch, knit 2 stitches together, knit the rest of the stitches normally. On needle 1, knit the stitches normally until you get to the last 3 stitches. PSSO. Then knit the last stitch.

Continue with the toe rotating between one row of decreases and one row of regular knitting. When you work the last row of decreases, you should have 4 (3,6) stitches on needle 1, 8 (6,12) stitches on needle 2, and 4 stitches on needle 3. Slide the stitches from needle 3 to needle 1 so that you now have two needles that have 8 (6,12)stitches on each. Leaving a long tail, cut the yarn.

Finishing:

You finish the sock with the kitchner stitch. Place the tail of yarn on a yarn needle. Hold your sock up on the two needles with the needles side by side.

Insert the yarn needle into the left side of the front stitch (stitches on needle 1). Angle your needle to the right so that you only pick up the front post of the stitch (knit wise). Pull the yarn through the stitch and slide the stitch off the knitting needle. On the next stitch on the front needle, put the yarn needle through purl wise and leave that stitch on the knitting needle, but pull your yarn needle and tail all the way through.

Now work the first stitch on the back needle (needle 2). Pull your tail to the back and on the first stitch pull it through purl wise (from back to front). Slide the stitch off the knitting needle and then insert the yarn needle into the next stitch on needle 2 knit wise and leave that stitch on the needle.

Working the front needle again, insert your needle knit wise, then slide that stitch off the knitting needle and insert the yarn needle into the next stitch on the same knitting needle purl wise and leave that stitch on the needle.

Work the next stitch on the back needle. First pull you yarn through purl wise, slide off the stitch, then pull the yarn through the next stitch knit wise.

Continue in that fashion, working off each stitch until you have done all the stitches. Pull your yarn to the inside of the work.

Turn your sock inside out and work in all the loose ends.

I'm Amazed!!!

The last few days have been wonderful! After all this time that I've struggled to get something going for my craft business, it looks like its finally going to go somewhere! Let me start from the beginning...
In the beginning of December, Chelle and I met with our friend Angel to discuss the possibility of starting a business together and decided that our best choice would be to combine our interests to do a business that would sell crafts as well as thrift store items. 

Then the Holidays hit and we were too busy to think about doing anything but get gifts made. While I was up to my ears with gift making, my friend Debbie asked me if I could make her some more socks (I made her some a while back and she really liked them). I made a couple pairs and posted them before Christmas, but really didn't get the chance to do much until after Christmas was over.  Here are the socks I made for her

I posted each pair on facebook as I finished them. After the first couple, people on the knitting groups I'm on mentioned that they would like the pattern. I started off just telling them that I didn't have a pattern and was doing them from memory, but they kept insisting, so I eventually decided, "Hey, maybe I should write down my pattern and try to sell it..." (this is where I did a mental facepalm). So I wrote up the first pattern and was amazed that people were actually interested.Haha! 
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/jaunty-striped-socks

Then I got the bright idea that if I put my basic sock pattern up, it might draw people to my Ravelry page so I put that one up for free.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/basic-cuff-down-knit-socks

I decided that I would post that one to all the knitting groups I'm on on facebook and was shocked to find that the downloads for it was in the hundreds!

I quickly finished up today by putting the other variations up for sale
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/snazzy-two-colored-socks
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/textured-bobble-socks
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/puffy-striped-socks

I also was surprised to have people asking me to knit them socks and to make my fingerless glove pattern available. 
So now I have to decide how much work I can take in and be able to do with my pain issues. Not only that, but I need to come up with prices that are fair to customers, but not unfair to me. And, finally, I need to decide how much I can do and still be able to keep my goals for making socks for the Veterans like I planned. 

I'm really glad it's taking off like this. It's good to be able to make your creative venue into your daily job.

More Stuff about the Health Benefits of Crafts

I happened to come across the following news article from CNN and thought I would share it. http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/25/health/brain-crafting-benefits/
It's about anxiety and PTS and how crafting can help. I figure a lot of us chronic pain sufferers might also have these types of diagnoses as well.

I've been on a doily kick for the past couple days.

I haven't done much work with thread lately other than flower buttons, but I really started missing it. While crocheting with thread and small needles is harder on my hands, it's also more engaging and distracting. I really have to concentrate on what I'm doing and not so much on pain. While I sometimes can't do that, when I can, I like to make doilies and lace that take a little more work. There is usually more variation in stitches and some of the patterns are pretty difficult to follow.

Coping with Hand pain

So today's blog post is about coping with pain, particularly hand pain. I've been dealing with this quite a bit lately. It doesn't help that the holidays are almost upon us and I'm rushing to get gifts done. When I should be taking a break every so often, I find myself pushing to get done and trying to ignore the burn in my thumb.

So....I started researching ways to cope and, pf course, the first thing I keep finding is to take frequent breaks to let your hands rest.

Here are a couple articles on coping techniques for your hands:
From Lion Brand Yarns, a nice article giving several suggestions to help, along with a link to buy some gloves that help with support for arthritis.
 http://blog.lionbrand.com/2012/02/24/5-simple-ways-to-relieve-prevent-hand-pain/

This article from About.com gives some great suggestions also.
 http://knitting.about.com/od/knittingsafety/a/knittingrsi.htm


A couple pics of things I'm working on right now:

Yes... I have way too many WIP's going on. I decided that I really love working with thread after doing a pile of button flowers and so started the doily yesterday. The afghan is my "to big to take anywhere" project. I also have one sock of a pair done and need to finish those up as well. The socks are for John because he was claiming cold feet again. LOL The flowers are being made for my friend, Latoya, for her to make bows with, the blanket is for my couch (yes, occasionally I make things for me.LOL) and the dish cloth is a gift that is still in the process of being a set.

Buttons and Flowers

I'm super busy right now, getting ready for the Holidays and trying to get my gift knitting and crocheting done. While I enjoy planning and preparing gifts, it can get stressful and painful for me. I'm working on these little flowers that use buttons, but after making a few, started having sharp pains at the base of my right thumb. I'm sure that using small thread and hooks has a lot to do with it, but I absolutely love doing things with thread instead of yarn. The detail and lace appeal to me. I'm trying to get relief by switching up to yarn projects when I can.

I've been considering trying marijuana as a form of pain relief. I've read some things that make me think that its safer than using gabepentin for the fibro and neourpathy pain problems I'm having. I definitely need to find something to help so I won't have to stop my needlecrafts. I need the needlecrafts in order to keep sane.