Hi World, It's Me Again!

 Hi! It's me!

Wow! I haven't blogged here in such a long time! I'm 62 years old now and I've managed to keep living through all the craziness of having fibro and dealing with out of control diabetes, thyroid issues, high blood pressure, etc. etc. In spite of all the pain and set backs, I keep trying to live the good life and progress through it. On top of my own issues with disabilities, this year has thrown a lot of poo at me. Covid 19 came barreling along, along with climate change issues, political shit shows, and just plain misery from people who should be able to adult, but can't quite seem to measure up to it. 

Where I'm at right now: I share a beautiful house with a gorgeous view of Mt. Rainier from the front porch and windows. Five adults all sharing rent and making it possible to live here. I get the two smallest rooms in the house to myself and have one of them all fixed up to be a terrific craft room stocked with yarn and fabric along with all my needleworking toys. I have my computer set up in the room as well and I spend a lot of time zoning on computer games when my pain calls for a "down" or "brain fog" day. I have three cats that share the space with me and occasionally pull me from my fogginess by demanding my attention. I am also in possession of a planter garden in my back yard where I go to connect with the earth. I have all my favorite herbs for making tea growing out there and I take our dog with me and go water every day, even if I don't want to, so my green stuff doesn't die. Most weekends I spend doing table top role playing games with the kids and making food. I also possess a tread mill and an under desk style exercise bike to keep my gastroparosis in check and not taking over my life. 

My last doctor appointment was two weeks ago and It was determined that I need to see a cardiologist (joy) and that I need to replace my cpap machine which of course needs authorization from Medical....which hasn't found a need to ever get back to my doctor. So I get to jump into that wild goose chase and try and get something that is obviously needed (not only is my machine old as fuck, but it was recalled a while ago and I never found out). The doctor said that the recall states that the machine shouldn't be used because it can cause cancer, but I should still use it because...you know...I might die from lack of oxygen if I don't... So if I don't hear from them by Monday, I'm gonna need to call the doctor back and find out if she has had any communication from Medical and then go from there. My back up plan is to, once again in my life, switch from medical to the VA and attempt to get a quicker resolution from them. Nothing is quicker when it comes to the VA, but I have to try. Can't go on using a machine that isn't giving me the rest I need and continuing to live in a fog all the time.

I seem to have periods of time when I feel more active and alert and I plan a cleaning schedule, start knitting for different causes, and enjoy doing things with the kids more often. But they don't last for more than a couple weeks before I go back into a foggy period where my sleep schedule goes off and I get grumpy and head-achy and have digestive and blood sugar issues again.  

In spite of everything, I have managed to keep on my exercise schedule of a half hour of walking on the treadmill or stationery biking every day (depending on how I feel determining which one I choose). I'm on two types of shots a day now, Victoza in the morning and insulin at night along with oral medication (Metformine) twice a day and I take a host of other medications as well. 

I don't get out of the house much any more. I fall asleep or have gut issues too much to get far from my room and my bathroom. I sleep anywhere and anytime now. I even fall asleep while I'm in the middle of exercising unless I have a video or lively enough music going. I actually fell asleep while I was on the treadmill and luckily woke up quick enough to catch my balance and keep from falling. I fall asleep constantly while I knit and crochet and even poked my hand with my needle a week ago while trying to embroider. The challenge is real! When people ask me why I'm unable to work if I am able to do all my crafts for charities, I simply ask them to point me out to an employer that wouldn't mind it if I took several naps a day while at work. That usually shuts them right up. Haha

The challenge, seriously, is to find a way to stay upbeat and not get depressed while struggling with my disabilities. I constantly search for ways to increase my energy while at the same time, try to stay adaptable and live each day at a time (sometimes each moment). If I'm tired, I tell myself that there is no shame in napping at any time or any amount of times, a day. If my energy is low, I put off doing housework and pull up my knitting, or even put my games on my computer and shut out the noise in my head that tells me I'm not being productive enough. If I am unable to find solutions to my health problems, I lay them out before my doctor and try to ignore the voice in my head telling me I'm some kind of phleb and that I complain all the time. 

Now the pins and needles part of the blog. I'm working on making small teddy bears for kids in the local hospital and for friends that have asked for them. I'm also working on making socks and afghans (I have a corner to corner crocheted blanket I'm working on right now) and plan to give them to nursing homes in the area that accept them. I am doing a little sewing right now and hope to restore second hand baby dolls and make clothes for them to be donated to low income children in our area as well. So plenty of projects to show and report on.

I Love My Body

This is long, sorry.

I know it sounds like I’m bragging and I apologize, but I really love my body. Yes, I know that I am overweight, have age spots, gray hair, and big feet. I just need to let it be known, that I don’t care. Every time I see my faults in the mirror, I am aware of them, and I know that I am still a work in progress and need to keep in shape so I can enjoy this body for the rest of my life. But, still, I remind myself of all the things this mortal, fleshy, bag of holding (Dungeons & Dragons pun), has gotten me through.
It has pulled me through working since I was 15 until I could no longer work. It saw me through 5 mile runs while I was in basic training in the army, Hiking through mountain trails while carrying 20+ pounds of cleaning supplies every day in the San Bernardino mountains. It helped me get through many graveyard shifts, standing 8 hours a day, while working in fast food on hard, tile floors. It allowed me to clean toilets, wash dishes, change diapers, and bend over to clean the oven for over 50 years.
It made it possible to bring two amazing people into existence and give birth to them, as well as one angel baby that I never got to know personally outside of the womb. It stayed mentally strong while I said goodbye to my mother and father, as well as my husband who I got to spend 34 years beside. It allowed me take care of that wonderful man while he made the transition to the next phase of existence.
My body made it through all the changes I put it through; the times I lost and gained back pounds, the fast food I gleefully chucked into it, the stress and muscle soreness, sunburns, surgeries, and sleepless nights. It slept in beds that were broken down, car seats, and couches where my neck was crinked. It paced the floor holding squalling babies (and then, thankfully, sleeping babies). It rocked back and forth while dealing with nausea after being forced to overdo it. It held and supported my husband when he was unable to walk and needed a hand.
Sure, it’s pudgy and sore, but it deserves my love and care. I am disabled and on disability so that I can give back to it, some of what it gave to me. Love.

A Fresh Start!

I have found that my diabetes, fibromyalgia, and sleep apnea, and weight all combine to play off of each other and increase how sick I am. As I get sicker and sicker (and gain weight), it becomes easier to do nothing and blame one sickness or another on my lack of energy.

On the 31st of May, I decided I need to turn things around and dig myself out of the hole I've dug for myself. I was getting depressed and was giving up. Funny how that works. I hit a low spot and then I realize that I am not pleased with where I am and I start working to improve. I still have a little fire in my veins.

First, my doctor put me on insulin so that we could start bringing down my blood sugar. Then I started using one of those little bicycle peddle machines that I had purchased over a year ago. I started with only 15 minutes a day.

That was just three weeks ago. I had two days of misery where my digestive system rebelled and I was in serious pain, then it started to improve. I started a food plan and restricted my calories and portions, then increased the exercise to 15 minutes after each meal. I was amazed at how my blood sugar readings dropped and I started sleeping better.

The next week I increased the time on the peddle machine to 20 minutes after each meal and I noticed that I had lost a couple pounds. Now I'm down 10 pounds and I'm feeling remarkably better! I can walk up the steps to our apartment and I'm not short of breath and my heart is no longer pounding. I sleep about 8 hours each night and I am getting normal blood sugar readings every day!! I'm not even nearly as hungry as my stomach decreases in size and I am no longer depressed!

Because I feel better, I find myself volunteering more and doing more around the apartment. I have increased the amount of time I can work on my knitting and sewing and I feel enthusiastic again!

Listen to your doctor! He/she really knows what they are talking about!

I Haven't Posted in a Long Time

I know I haven't been real good at keeping my blog updated, but let me attempt an update.

My fibro has remained pretty much the same. I changed doctors because the doctor I was seeing at the VA has retired and, since there were no replacements, I opted to use a program called Veteran's Choice and see a doctor outside of the VA. At my last appointment with the VA doctor, she told me that I had signs of kidney disease, but didn't give me any idea of what stage it was in or what I should do for treatment. It took me about 3 months to get in with the new doctor and when she did blood tests, she informed me that there were no signs of kidney disease at all. 😕 Since she is not interested in helping me figure out where the confusion is coming from, I have decided that I need to tend to my diet and exercise and do whatever I can on my own.

As far as keeping down stress, it seems like an ongoing battle. I knit and crochet still, but this month has been particularly rough. Our old male cat, Morgan, has had bowel problems for a long time, but lately he has taken a turn for the worse. We don't have the extra funds right now for Vet bills so we made the decision to have him put down, especially since he stopped eating and has had blood and a loose stool for a couple weeks and didn't look like he was going to pull through. We had it done over the last weekend and it was difficult. It brought back all the losses I've suffered through over the years and Michelle took it really hard as well. I keep getting up at night and find myself in tears when I don't hear him calling to me to feed him. We also have a move pending and that is stressful. The house is in that "kinda packed, kinda not packed" phase and it makes for a mess.

As far as my crafting, I'm excited that I'll be having a room to myself when we get moved. I picked up a couple patterns to make clothes for myself and look forward to turning my bedroom into a sewing room as well, in the new apartment.

I have been working on baby sweaters and hats for the last month or two. I closed down the clothing closet and have been working with the Others Helping Others facebook page  to take orders for sweater and hat sets. This is what they look like:

I still have a bunch of orders to go. The last set went to Michelle for a friend of hers at work. I got sidetracked for a week or two while playing video games and had to get myself focused back on my knitting. I started by using a crochet pattern for the hats, but, because my favorite sweater pattern is knitted, I designed a knitter version to make with the sweaters. Here is my pattern:

Baby Turban Hat

4 size 8 doublepoint needles
worsted weight yarn

cast on 60 stitches and divide on three needles at 20 stitches per needle.
Rnds 1 through 4, knit straight
Rnds 5 through 8, purl straight
repeat the last 8 rounds total, 4 times.
rnds 33 through 36, knit straight.
Rnd 37 *(knit 8, knit 2 together). repeat * to end of round
Rnd 38 knit straight
Rnd 39 *(kniit 7, knit 2 together). repeat * to end of round

repeat the pattern, decreasing one round and knitting straight one round, until you are done with the round where you have knit 2, knit 2 together around. Finish off by cutting the yarn with a long tail. Put the yarn from the tail onto a yarn needle and pull it through all the stitches on the needles, removing the needles as you do. Pull the yarn tight so that no hole remains on the crown of the hat. Pull the yarn through to the inside of the hat and knot and weave the end.

Put a long length of yarn on the needle and, leaving a long enough end to weave in, gather the bottom of the "rings" to the top of the "rings and, pulling tight wrap the yarn multiple times through to make the "knot" on the front of the hat. Weave all ends in on the inside of the hat.

Well, that's all for now. 

The Daily Struggle

I'm working on housework today. I follow a daily routine that makes it possible to keep the housework done by doing routines, scheduled breaks, and uses timers so that I don't have to try to do everything at once and burn myself out.

When I have bad days, I only do as much as I am able. When I feel better, I just pick up where I left off and don't try to catch up what I missed while I was feeling bad.

No stress!

My Cats are Making Me Crazy

While I'm typing this my cats are causing havoc in the living room. I really need to knit and calm myself down.Haha
I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Life has been just a bit hectic lately. I started a clothing closet in my garage at the start of the summer and got it going pretty good by the end of the summer. Things were actually pretty regular and fun and Michelle (my adult daughter) and I had just started going to the gym a couple times a week to swim when our lives were tipped upside down. Michelle ended up in ICU with a severe infection and we almost lost her.

What started as a small abscess turned, in just 4 days, into necrotizing faciitis (the flesh eating infection you always hear about in the news). After 55 days in the hospital and 13 surgical procedures she was discharged and sent home. With me on disability and her part time job put on hold, things got really frightening.

We found out who in our family we could count on and how much we can handle when we put our minds into it. I found out that my pain disability can be put on a back burner when it comes to being supportive of someone else (something I knew previously from my experience of taking care of Randy while he fought cancer, but I forgot). I did have to close the clothing closet temporarily. I managed to keep up the house and still spent at least 50 days at the hospital with Michelle.

She is home now and slowly we are getting our lives together. The finances are still in a disaster, but the routines are getting up and going and I'm actually starting to make some plans for the future. I registered for classes at the local community college and am making decisions on how to make it possible to bring in an income.

While Michelle was in the hospital and I was sitting in her room, I managed to soothe myself with some knitting and crocheting. I made her some bedsocks first, then started some doilies and made some things to donate to the hospital NICU while I was at it. Here is one of the doilies I got done.

I find that in the long run, the most relaxing and mind numbing thing for me to do is doilies. They are challenging enough to keep my thoughts on my work and off of the crisis I'm dealing with, and yet are relaxing because after you figure out the current round, you can go around the doily, repeating the same thing over and over and can let your mind wander a little. Good for meditation.

All in all, we came out of our situation with our  heads held high and our sanity intact.

Friday is here!

Yay! The weekend is here! This weekend is a three day affair. Just John and I will be home, Michelle has a camping trip with her friends from her ecology club at school.

I finished a baby set this week. It includes a baby afghan and three bibs. I made a similar one a couple weeks ago for the same Aunt, who ordered them through my Gnomish Gnits business.